The Write Place Creative Writing School

 

 OPEN SHORT STORY COMPETITION RESULTS 2011 

 

 

There was an interesting spread of stories in our open competition, with settings as far flung as Mexico and as familiar as the school playground. All sorts of situations were encountered - gangland rivalry, desertion from the army, finding something weird in the garden, death, hating your job, regret at passing youth, a bike race and even a retelling of the feeding of the five thousand, to name but a few. Among the many characters I met, there was a grandmother missing her child, a racist thug and a child who was ashamed of her home life.

 

On the whole, the stories we received had some very well drawn and distinct characters (though with a couple of stories I didn't realise the main character was female until the second page). Sometimes there were strong characters but the story itself went nowhere. When writing in first person, some people forgot to give the main character a name. This is easily achieved by somebody else using it in conversation.

 

Many of the 'conflicts' were well thought out, using everyday situations as well as major catastrophes. Most brought the conflict of the story into focus right at the beginning as you should, though a few opened with a descriptive narrative or some activity by the main character which wasn't relevant to the plot. A strong opening is needed to draw the reader in. A few started well, but fizzled out before the end. Other stories had a basically good idea, but there wasn't enough substance. There were a few overused situations - killing spouses in a short story definitely comes in this catergory!

 

There were many good descriptions and settings. However, some stories didn't define their settings well so I had no idea where to place the character as I read.

 

Quite a number of stories relied on 'tell' - telling us what happened as a narrative, rather than 'showing' through dialogue and action. In fact, several stories would have benefited from more dialogue.

 

Switching point of view, or 'head hopping' was evident in a few of the stories. If using more than one point of view (and in a short story like this, there shouldn't be any more than two, if that), please do it from scene to scene, not every few lines. And if the story is, say, from the point of view of 'Jane', than we can't possibly know what 'John' is thinking. Beware of using an omniscient (all knowing) view - it has to be done consistently and needs great skill.

 

Flashbacks were used effectively in several stories. It is easy to overdo them though, and a couple of the entries fell into this trap. Avoid starting a story with them. Start in the present before going into flashback.

 

In one story, the main character changed their name part way through. If you change the name of the character, or anything else, use 'Find and Replace' to make sure they've all been changed.

 

Most entrants were aware of how to format a short story, but there were a few exceptions.reprint a new sheet if you find a mistake. If there are two good entries and a judge doesn't know which to go for, they will probably pick the better presented one.

 

Be careful of spacing. There should be consistent double spacing between lines. An extra space should only be added if the story shifts scene. And please remember to indent the first line of all paragraphs unless it's the first paragraph of the story or of a scene. While we're on presentation, please don't hand write numbers on the pages, or add information by hand to the coversheet. Always reprint a fresh sheet if you find a mistake.
 

Don't be disheartened by these observations. Take on board anything you might be guilty of, and disregard the rest. Trying to balance all the necessary elements of a story is a skill which needs practice, practice and more practice. Nobody (well, not many!) succeeds straight away. Even the so-called 'overnight successes' have usually been beavering away for years. So, keep on beavering!

 

 

Francesca Burgess

 

Results and comments by our judge, writer Linda Lewis

 

 

1st    LOST by Anne Page

^2nd  TWENTY EIGHT PAIRS OF WHITE SOCKS by Sharon Birch

3rd   WAITING by Frances Smith

 

Highly commended

 

AUTUMN THINGIES  by Sue Hoffman

SAVING JULIE by Christine Webb

THE WRITING GROUP by Tony Oswick

 

Reading other people's stories is always a pleasure. I love the range of ideas and subjects that present themselves when there is no set theme.

 

As I read the entries I was aware that judging is a very personal process and that another judge would probably end up with a very different result. If your story wasn't among the winners, that doesn't mean it was a bad  story, it just didn't resonate with me as  strongly as some of the others.

 

Now to look at the prize winners and why I chose them.

 

 

First place.

LOST by Anne Page

 

The story concerned a couple, stuck in a loveless marriage. It was told in the first person from the point of view of the man. The writer made it clear that he'd tried over and over to make his marriage work, even giving up a relationship with a woman he could have found happiness with.

 

I found the opening intriguing as it set up all kinds of questions. The man's wife has found a bank statement showing that he has spent a fortune on gambling, proving to her that he IS the useless husband she's been saying he was for years. Then this line comes along  - 'The wonder is that it took her so long to find'. This is very clever. The reader immediately knows that he wanted his wife to find the statement, but has no idea why. What we do know is that everything is not as it initially appears.

 

As the story unfolds, the focus of the story stayed with the husband and he retained my sympathy so that in the end when he manages to escape the marriage, I felt pleased for him.

 

The last line '…whatever it was that was lost between us was lost so long ago I can scarcely remember what it was' made for a very satisfying ending.

 

Overall, this story was, for me, a clear winner.

 

Second place 

TWENTY EIGHT PAIRS OF WHITE SOCKS by Sharon Birch

 

The first thing that grabbed my attention with this story was the title. Why would anyone want so many socks? I soon found out.

 

Through a series of nicely told flashbacks, the author told of the heroine's childhood when she often had to wear dirty socks and underwear because her parents neglected her. The incidents from her school days were related in a matter of fact way which added to their impact. It became very clear why, when she became a mother herself, she was determined not to let her own children suffer in the way she had, hence the large number of socks she bought for them.

 

The story starts and ends with the same thought  - that the woman's mother-in-law would never understand why twenty eight pairs of socks were necessary. Again, this  shows the reader, rather than tells them, that the heroine and her mother in law are poles apart and will probably always be that way.

 

I gave this second place because of the unemotional, matter-of-fact way the story was told and because it was easy to empathise with the main character. I did feel, however, that the last line where the author addresses the reader as you didn't work as well as it could and would suggest changing that.

 

One last small point, there was a mistake (being for begin) which could have been spotted if the writer had read the story out loud before sending it off.  

 

Third place 

WAITING by Francis Smith

 

This story starts with a very vivid description of a room where an old woman lies in bed,  waiting for death. The writer used vivid images and small details to bring the story to life, allowing me to picture the scene very clearly.

 

As the story continues we learn about the woman's family. This is done at a distance, thanks to the use of the third person voice. This prevented the piece from becoming over emotional or sentimental. 

 

In very few words the reader gains a very clear idea of how the dying woman feels about the various members of her family. The woman is close to death and can no longer speak. Her thoughts are reported to the reader. We discover that she wants to see her son Hugh before she dies. The tragedy is that he is busy and won't be coming. The woman dies having found out that the son she loved the most didn't care enough to want to visit her death bed. That this is all so understated is what gives the story its impact.

 

There were three highly commended entries.

 

THE WRITING GROUP.by Tony Oswick

As I started to read this, I wasn't sure what was going on. It was only when the letter D came along that the penny dropped. In my view, this was less a story than a humorous essay about the possible beginnings of the alphabet. I felt it was original and nicely done, plus it made me smile. I particularly enjoyed a line about ABBA,  so I decided to overlook the fact that it wasn't a 'normal' story. The title was nicely misleading too.

 

SAVING JULIE by Christine Webb

This story was told in the first person, from the viewpoint of a truck driver. There is something unsettling about it from the start. When the man offers a lift to a teenager, we expect the worst, so that when he drops her off, we wonder what is going on.

 

In the end, our worst fears are realised. He saves the girl from an attacker but then drugs and smothers her. In his twisted mind he justifies this by saying that he is protecting her from future evils.

 

Although I felt this was well written and had a well constructed plot, I was left wanting to know more about the man's motivation. What had happened to make him react in such a way? Even a hint or two might have been enough to elevate this story into third place.

 

AUTUMN THINGIES by Sue Hoffman

I chose this story because it was refreshingly different. It's about a boy who finds strange creatures living in the shed. He feeds and befriends them. They seem harmless, but there is an undercurrent throughout the story that is slightly unsettling so that when they turn on the boy's mother it isn't surprising.

 

The story left many questions unanswered, top of the list being what were the thingies and where did they come from, but it was well written, and fun to read.